When The Holidays Feel Heavy: Loneliness, Grief, Burnout, and Boundary Pain in December
- Cameron Burris
- Dec 11, 2025
- 6 min read
Every December, the world seems to turn up the volume on joy. There are lights everywhere, holiday parties, social media highlights, and a collective pressure to feel cheerful. For a lot of people, this is a comforting time. For many others, including a large number of the clients I see in therapy, this season stirs up something very different.
As we wind down the year, I keep hearing the same themes in sessions. Loneliness. Grief. Emotional burnout. Pressure from family. Trouble setting limits. Feeling like you're moving through the holiday season with a smile that doesn't quite match what's happening inside.
If any of that feels familiar, I want you to know that nothing about your experience is strange or dramatic. You are responding to real emotional, relational, and physiological stressors that tend to get louder in December. Research backs this up, and your body often feels it long before your mind names it.
Let’s walk through some of the themes I see most often at the end of the year, along with what might help you feel less alone in your experience.
Loneliness, Even When You're Not Physically Alone
A lot of people associate loneliness with being physically isolated, but loneliness often shows up as feeling unseen or unsupported, even in a room full of people.
According to a 2025 National Mental Health Report by LifeStance Health, more than half of adults surveyed described feeling lonely during the holiday season, even when they were around family or friends. The Mayo Clinic has also noted that the holidays often intensify feelings of isolation for people who already feel disconnected.
For high functioning folks, loneliness is often hidden under the surface. You might keep showing up, smiling, performing, hosting, supporting, or pleasing. Everyone assumes you are fine because you are good at looking fine. But performing connection is not the same as feeling connected.
One of the most powerful things you can do is simply acknowledge, without judgment, that loneliness is showing up. You aren't failing. You're noticing. And that's a form of emotional honesty that matters.
Grief That Comes in Waves
Grief during the holidays is not always connected to a specific loss. Sometimes it comes from missing a loved one. Sometimes it comes from a change in family structure. Sometimes it comes from unmet hopes or the version of life you thought you would have by now. Sometimes it is grief for the people you used to be or the relationships that no longer fit.
Grief is a shapeshifter in December. It can show up as sadness, irritability, numbness, exhaustion, or feeling withdrawn. The American Psychological Association has commented on how memory, tradition, and expectation can activate latent grief responses during the holidays, even for people who are not consciously thinking about loss.
If you have been feeling more tender, overwhelmed, or emotionally tired, your grief might be speaking. You do not have to push it down to meet the season’s expectations. Grief is not an inconvenience. It is an expression of love, meaning, and humanity.
Burnout That Finally Catches Up With You
By the time we get to December, many high functioning people are already stretched thin. You may have pushed through most of the year on autopilot. You may have taken care of everyone else. You may have worked longer hours, said yes too often, or ignored early signs of exhaustion because you were trying to stay strong.
According to a 2024 report by Modern Health, nearly 60% of employees stated that the holiday season is the most stressful and draining time of the year. The reasons included financial strain, emotional labor, social obligations, and pressure to appear cheerful even when they felt depleted.
Burnout often shows up as anger, resentment, fatigue, low motivation, brain fog, or the feeling that you have hit your limit. Your nervous system can only run on survival mode for so long before it starts asking for relief.
Your body isn't
betraying you. It is communicating with you.
Family Boundaries That Feel Harder to Hold Right Now
Family can be a source of comfort and connection, but it can also be one of the biggest holiday stressors. Old patterns often resurface this time of year. Many people fall back into childhood roles like the mediator, the responsible one, the helper, or the strong one.
Research from the American Psychological Association has shown that anticipating conflict, feeling pressure to please others, and navigating complicated family systems are some of the most common holiday stressors. These patterns can be even more activating for people who grew up in environments where emotional needs were minimized or boundaries were misunderstood.
Many of my clients tell me that they know how to set boundaries in friendships or at work, but everything becomes harder when it comes to family. The mix of nostalgia, guilt, obligation, and emotional regression can make even small boundaries feel impossible.
If you notice yourself overcommitting, silencing your needs, or slipping into an old version of yourself, know that this is a common experience. You are responding to years of conditioning, not a lack of strength.
Boundaries are not about controlling others. They are about protecting your energy, your peace, and your emotional safety. December is a good time to practice small, realistic limits rather than aiming for perfection.
So What Do You Do With All of This
Here are some gentle practices that tend to help during this season:
Acknowledge the truth of what you feel.
Loneliness, grief, anger, and burnout lose some of their power when they are named with compassion instead of shame.
Let yourself rest without earning it.
Your nervous system needs softness right now. Rest is not a reward. It is a requirement.
Choose connection that feels nourishing, not obligatory.
A quiet conversation with someone who sees you can be far more healing than a crowded gathering.
Honor your grief.
You can light a candle, journal, take a walk, or sit with a memory. Small rituals help make space for emotions that feel too big to hold alone.
Practice sustainable boundaries.
You do not have to overhaul your family dynamics in one season. Even one small choice that protects your peace is meaningful.
A Final Note as You Move Through This Season
You're not meant to carry all of this alone. If the themes in this post feel close to home, it might be a sign that your body and mind are asking you to slow down and reconnect with yourself in a more intentional way.
This is part of why I created the Return to Self support group. It is a space for high functioning adults who have spent years performing strength for everyone else and want a place to practice emotional presence, boundaries, rest, and self leadership with support. We explore themes like the ones above and create a plan for reclaiming energy, identity, and inner peace as we move into a new year.
If you're curious about the group or want to talk through whether it might be a fit, I welcome you to reach out or schedule a free consultation. You deserve support that meets you where you are, not where you feel pressured to be.
You are allowed to approach this season with honesty, tenderness, and care. You deserve to feel held too.
References and Recommended Resources
American Psychological Association. (2023). Holiday season stress.
A national report discussing the most common emotional and relational stressors during the holidays, including family conflict and pressure to appear cheerful.
LifeStance Health. (2025). Holiday Mental Health Report.
A survey highlighting how loneliness, social pressure, and stress commonly arise during the holiday season.
Mayo Clinic News Network. (2023). Loneliness and social isolation during the holidays.
A breakdown of how and why loneliness often intensifies in December, even for people who are surrounded by others.
Modern Health. (2024). Employee sentiment about holiday stress.
Research showing how burnout and exhaustion tend to peak during the holiday season due to financial, emotional, and work-related demands.
HealthPartners. (2024). Why people get depressed during the holidays.
An accessible summary of the psychological factors that contribute to depressed mood, emotional heaviness, and stress during the season.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). (2021). The most difficult time of the year: Mental health during the holidays.
A compassionate explanation of holiday-related mood changes and emotional challenges.
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